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By Erika Maria Dumitrașcu
The Greeks believed that we experience six types of love: agape (altruistic love), ludus (infatuation), storge (companion love), eros (romantic love), mania (obsessive love), and lastly pragma (practical love). Most of us, when we think of love, we think of butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, and pink colored lenses. But have you ever wondered where it all starts? Believe it or not, scientifically speaking, love starts in the brain and is akin to a biochemical reaction.
Stage One: The Spark
The first stage of love is infatuation, and it is known as the “honeymoon phase.” When you first meet a person you are attracted to, your brain releases dopamine – the same neurotransmitter that surges when you win a game or finish the book you have been reading for some time. It plays a role as a “reward center” which is why you feel like you have won the best prize when you see the person you have a crush on.
But here’s the twist: serotonin, which usually keeps us stable and regulated, actually drops during this phase. That dip makes us obsessed –similar to how we can’t stay without our phones for 5 minutes – because your brain wants more of that dopamine hit. It’s like your brain turning you into a love addict, and this intense mix can last for a period of weeks to months.
Stage Two: Getting Serious - The Role of Oxytocin and Vasopressin
Now that the dopamine stage is over, the brain switches gears. Oxytocin and vasopressin step in to create a bond. Oxytocin is often called the “cuddle hormone,” released when we touch or feel close to someone. This hormone deepens emotional bonding and, over time, starts to turn the initial spark into something more stable. This is why in the first few months of the relationship people always want to be near each other.
Vasopressin, on the other hand, is associated more with commitment . Scientists have studied prairie voles, one of the rare animals that bond for life, and found that vasopressin plays a huge role in their pair bonding. For humans, the process is similar. The more you’re around someone, and the closer you get, the more vasopressin helps cement that connection.
The Science Behind Heartbreak - When the Chemicals Crash
But sometimes, things don’t go as planned. So how does heartbreak happen if there are so many neurotransmitters that incite us to fall in love? Heartbreak is one of the most intense emotional experiences you can go through because those feel-good chemicals don’t just fade out; they actually crash. When you lose a connection that’s been feeding you dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, your brain goes into withdrawal, almost like quitting an addictive substance abruptly. In fact, MRI studies show that people experiencing heartbreak have brain activity similar to those going through physical pain. That’s why heartbreak physically hurts, why you feel it in your chest, and why it can take so long to feel “normal” again.
So, Why Do We Keep Falling in Love?
From a neuroscience perspective, love is a reward system meant to help us form bonds and connect with others, which is key for our survival and happiness. So even though love can be intense, unpredictable, and even painful, the brain is designed to keep trying, to keep searching, and to keep loving.
So, next time you feel that spark, remember that it’s not just some random emotion; it’s a full-on reaction in your brain, a complex interplay of neurotransmitters and hormones designed to bring us closer together. Science and emotions may seem worlds apart, but in the brain, they’re closer than you’d think.
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